When I was a kid, my family was important to me. It was heaven on earth. Everybody strived to give me the peace that I now have within me, I find it very useful now.
I set this goal in my life, I called
it ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY. Whether I was abroad, where I lived for a few years and had hundreds of friends, or in Poland, I’ve tried and am still trying to achieve it. Since I got ill, schizophrenia prevents me from pursuing this goal as
much as I’d like to. It’s much harder now, but I’m trying. Even when I was healthy I didn’t live a beautiful life every week, life is never perfect, we make mistakes, have our ups and downs.
With people it varies – some
relationships are wise, beautiful, interesting, some are really tense. What the illness changed is that I sometimes fear people and cannot pursue my goal. The illness makes being in touch with people more difficult, but it doesn’t make
it impossible. I’m trying to stay positive.
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY is all about experiencing the things that happen around me. I want to have beautiful memories in life, so that I can recall them in old age.
I
sometimes do things I’m afraid of, but I still do them. When I succeed, I feel immense satisfaction, intense joy, even though I was so afraid beforehand. Take sailing, for example. I went to a boat race (annual national boat race for disabled
people) to Giżycko and I managed to win a trophy! There it is, standing on the shelf and shining. And I’m actually afraid of water! But I overcame this fear and have already been sailing four times, despite not having tried
it ever before. I’m still afraid, but I sail.
In the Community Self-help Centre I spend a lot of time in the artistic room. I had art classes in my primary school, but I really didn’t like the subject. I’d never have thought that I would do art again in my life. Sometimes I do
better, sometimes worse, but I’d never have guessed that I would win a prize, and twice at that, although I quietly dreamt about it (Paul won two artistic competitions organized by the Community Self-help Centre in Łask and
the State Fund for Rehabilitation of Disabled Persons). It’s a great success for me, my work must have been really good if it won me those prizes.
When I draw, I always check if I like what I make.
Maybe it’s selfish to say that, but my own satisfaction is key. If I like my creation, only then do I want to show it to others. When I start creating, I do it for myself, to show joy. When pursuing my goal, I start
with myself,other people come second. It’s super important to be a good person to yourself, only then can you be good to others.
In the Centre, there are people who I feel good to be around and those who I keep
at a distance. It’s never that people are the same, perfect. I try to spend time with those who make me feel good, and avoid those who don’t. I have issues with trusting people, people have often failed me in life. Now I’m
more cautious. My illness and life experience made me less trusting. If I could choose a place to live, I’d choose one with beautiful greenery all around. I love plants and animals, I take after my mother in that. Green trees, an orchard,
simply Polish countryside. I like listening to birds and watching them.
Before I got ill, I was more sociable, had many ideas, no all of them reasonable, of course. Nowadays, I need peace and quiet more often,
to be alone. People say I’m sensitive. In a crowd, on a bus, train people speak a lot and speak loudly, I get overstimulated. When the day is over I like to spend some time on my own, calm down, relax, recharge to prepare for ANOTHER
BEAUTIFUL DAY.
